Weekend Wishes

This is one of my favourite passages from George Carlin’s newest book, When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?:

If someone says, “Have a nice weekend,” I never say, “You too.” Because I never know if, perhaps, by the time the weekend rolls around, I will have other plans for that person. Come Friday, I may wish to have them slain.

A lot of Carlin’s humour has to do with language, and in particular, the stuff that people say so much that it becomes automatic and loses meaning. I know I’ve had the “Have a nice weekend”/“You too” exchange many times, and every time it happens, I kick myself for being so conformist. The next time someone says to me, “Have a nice weekend,” I will reply, “Fuck that, I plan to wallow in misery and self-loathing all weekend.” Thank you, George Carlin.